Dear friends,
I’m a full week late with my September newsletter and I’m sure I don’t have to explain why.
Broken
Late Saturday night, Aug 31, I was working on my brief book reviews and even had plans to make “mazal tov” one of the themes of the newsletter when my daughter came home from the hostage gathering in Tel Aviv — we’d been at the smaller one in Modiin — and shared the crushing news that the bodies of six hostages had been found, rumors already swirling at the names. I didn’t want to believe it; in fact, I leapt out of bed at 5:20 am on four hours of non-sleep to check the news. Around 6:15 am, as I was driving my son to catch his bus back to the army, I was saying to him, how could those rumors be true, that I hoped the bodies found were of those of hostages already known to no longer be alive. No sooner than the words were out of my mouth when my husband called with the bitter, bitter news about Hersh, and shortly thereafter the confirmation of the other five: Carmel, Eden, Ori, Almog, and Alexander. I came home and sobbed and sobbed like I haven’t since I don’t know when.
I know that many of you were sobbing along with me, or as President Isaac Herzog said, the “heart of the entire nation is crushed into pieces.” I would amend that to say that the heart of anyone with a shred of humanity has been crushed into pieces. We were so hopeful that Hersh and Jon and Rachel’s nightmare would have a different ending. To think that Hersh and the others had survived 329 days in the worst possible conditions, only to be brutally executed by Hamas, and then to read afterwards that he’d been on a list to be released in a deal — it’s too much.
Something deep and fundamental broke in all of us this week, whether you have a personal connection to one of the hostages or not. I keep thinking of the words we read just a few weeks ago on Tisha B’Av, in Eicha (the Book of Lamentations 1:16):
Or this, from Jeremiah 8:23 (thanks to an email from Sefaria):
Since then, I feel very much the way I did on October 8, 9, 10 etc. — unable to do anything. Certainly not much work, no writing, very little exercising, cooking, etc. - all the things that make up my usual days. I was responding to so many whatsapps and emails from friends and family, both in the States and here, that I was copying and pasting my answers. I wasn’t even in the mood to listen to my happy Israeli music playlist. The one day I went into my office last week, each of my close coworkers came by my desk to talk and try to process the impossible news.
Slowly, in between shiva calls (we also lost a dear, close family friend and an elderly relative, so I was at three different shivas and two funerals last week), I’ve been getting back to those usual things. (But I am still distracted and in fact, as I was typing those words, I missed my train stop - that was Wednesday.) And today (Sunday) I did listen to my playlist while out for a run.
On Monday, I attended Hersh’s funeral with my husband and daughter and thousands and thousands of others. We stood near the Hapoel Yerushalayim fans — Hersh was a devoted fan of the Jerusalem-based soccer team — and heard their loud sobs as they said goodbye to their “little brother.” We got their early - about an hour and a half before the funeral started, gave hugs to old friends, and waited solemnly for the ceremony to begin. The crowd was taking turns with the songs - the Hapoel fans singing songs that they’d written Hersh’s name into, and the American-Israeli / religious crowd singing things like Acheinu and Avinu Malkenu. (To get a sense of what it was like there in person, Daniel Gordis wrote about it and shared some videos here.) I imagine many of you watched some or all of Jon and Rachel’s eulogies (which has already been turned into a teaching resource on Sefaria). I hope and pray for this day to come, as Rachel said:
I know it will take a long time, but please may G-d bless us that one day, one fine day, Dada, Leebie, Orly and I will hear laughter, and we will turn around and see… that it’s us. And that we are ok. You will always be with us as a force of love and vitality, you will become our superpower.
In his eulogy, Jon said the word he was hearing more than any other, in the thousands of messages that had been pouring in, was סליחה (s’licha - sorry). Deep sorrow that we failed Hersh and the others in bringing them home alive. I spotted one person wearing it as a shirt. Monday morning, before the funeral, unsure of what to do with myself, I made a handmade sign and ran out to join one of thousands of protests happening around Israel.
On Thursday, I drove to Jerusalem to wait in a long line to offer my condolences, knowing I might not even get to speak to them. Indeed I did not. But I made eye contact with Rachel and mouthed some words to her, and my daughter and I wrote messages for them. I spoke to another old friend who has been by their side every day since October 7th. After everything they’ve been through, I feel terrible they can’t even have a proper shiva.
I’ll end this section with something Jon said in his eulogy:
Maybe your death is the stone, the fuel, that will bring home the 101 other hostages.
May it be so. This Tuesday, my daughter’s friends Gali and Ziv Berman will turn 27 in Hamas captivity. #BringThemHomeNow
Love
The week before all of this - I was fortunate to attend an amazing free concert of Hatikva 6 in Modiin. You might know them from their song הכי ישראלי / Most Israeli, but one of their newest songs is גיבורי על / Superheroes, which is about how average Israelis, from the guy who runs a falafel joint to the head of a high tech company to students at the Technion are ready to lay down their lives to protect this country. (My own daughter, an industrial engineering student, was finishing up a month of reserve duty on the northern border and thus could not attend the concert). Here’s the clip from the concert, during which they flashed pictures of the 23 soldiers from Modiin who have been killed since October 7th, the families of many of whom were at the concert. “This is for you, angels,” explained Omri Glikman before performing the song, pointing skyward. “Thank you. This is the story of Am Yisrael.” Here’s an English translation of the song.
I said above that something broke in us this week. And as much as I detest our current government, I still believe deeply in the people here. As I wrote three weeks ago, in my mid-month update:
I am enormously proud of this beautiful country and what we have built, and I consider it one of the greatest honors of my life that I can live here and continue the work.
So it remains to us to pick up the pieces. Sometimes I get asked - by one colleague in particular, quite frequently - you have American passports, why do you stay? My husband wrote a beautiful answer to that question on Facebook, so I’ll share it in full here. (My colleague broke down in tears when I showed it to her):
One reminder of this love was the wedding we attended on Sunday night. Yes, the same night that the devastating news came in. Had October 7th never happened, had Hersh not been taken hostage, Jon and Rachel would have been at that wedding. We tried to get all our tears out Sunday morning so we could be fully present to celebrate with this group of friends (who are like family). And we did. It was such a beautiful, fun wedding that I am tearing up thinking about it again. We celebrated with our full hearts (and dancing shoes). Not for one moment did it feel like we were pretending or putting on an act. The rabbi spoke of weddings being so beautiful because they are about two people who have created something from nothing, creating love where previously nothing existed. So mazal tov, dear Asaf and Shira and families; we are so grateful to have been a part of your simcha.
My two conclusions to all of this: 1) It is possible to have both a shattered heart and a full heart at the same time. 2) The world needs more love. (It kills me that Jon and Rachel brought more love to the world, in spades, and still did not get back their beloved son).
For further reading:
Hersh and a Story of Love by Chaim Steinmetz (Jewish Journal) (Jon sent this link around this morning with the message, “this is nice” and it conveys what I was trying to get at above).
Judaism proudly asserts the power of love... To survive for a generation or two, one needs power; to survive for millennia, one needs love. And that is the story of Jewish history. Jews are a people who never quit because they had a passion for God, Torah and the Jewish people. The love Jews around the world had for Hersh…is part of this same never-ending story. The Jewish people are living proof that love can outlast power.
Crush Hamas or free hostages? I choose the hostages by Yossi Klein-Halevi (The Times of Israel)
The Regular Newsletter
A week into September - my blessing and prayer and wish for the rest of this month is that we’ll see the news we’ve all been waiting for: the rest of our hostages home, our soldiers safe, and less suffering all around.
Brief writing update:
I’ll start with the nice news…on September 1, my short story, “The Loneliest Man Alive,” was published at History Through Fiction in the members-only area. Lifetime membership only costs $5, so if you enjoy historical fiction, you might want to sign up for this. This brand new Jeremiah story takes place on July 20, 1969, the day of the first moon landing, and is one of 11 new stories that will be in my upcoming novel-in-stories.
In other writing news, I continue to prepare the novel-in-stories (title TBD) for submission, and I think I’ve now figured out an order that makes sense, and I’ve been busy strengthening the threads between the stories/chapters. For story collections, it’s advisable to get as many of the stories published in literary journals first, so I’ve been on a submitting frenzy. Having been down this road before I know that rejections (which have started rolling in) are to be expected. If my submission spreadsheet is to be believed, I’ve sent out 1,873 submissions (!!) over the last 15 years, resulting in 46 published stories and essays, so it’s always exciting when an acceptance comes in and a story is published.
In parallel, I’m working on new scenes for my other writing project, a novel inspired by my great-aunt Czarna.
Recommended Reading
I made good reading progress in August, finishing nine books (the benefit of a cancelled trip, I suppose), so I’m up to 57 books so far this year. Here are my top reading recommendations this month:
Your Presence is Mandatory by Sasha Vasilyuk: I really enjoyed this debut novel, inspired by real events, which follows Yefim Shulman, a Jewish Ukrainian who serves in the Red Army in World War II. The story goes back and forth in time, from Yefim’s experiences during the war to his subsequent family life in the Soviet Union, where there could only be one “correct narrative” about the Soviet soldiers during the war, and up through the present Russia-Ukraine war. Yefim harbors a secret that could land him in the Gulag, and the novel traces the effects of this coverup on Yefim, his wife Nina, their children and grandchildren. I listened to the audiobook version and the narrator was excellent. I liked this blurb from Kristina Gorcheva-Newberry: "Captivating and suspenseful, Sasha Vasilyuk's novel is a tender tribute to the human spirit, a fresh and moving look at the nature of guilt and memory and one man's desire to survive at all costs. The characters loom off the page, so real, that I was quickly absorbed into this tragic yet life-affirming tale." Join me to hear Sasha speak about her book at the September Literary Modiin event on Sept. 15.
Shout Her Lovely Name by Natalie Serber: This is a terrific collection of (mostly) linked stories, many about mother-daughter relationships, with middle-aged mothers dealing with teens that are pushing their boundaries. At the center of the linked stories are Ruby, a capricious single mom, and her daughter Nora, who is much more subdued and careful. Everyone who has ever been a parent or a child (meaning everyone!), will find something to relate to in these sensitive, bittersweet stories. I like this blurb from the Wall Street Journal: "The characters are irresistible . . . Serber writes with exquisite patience and sensitivity, and is an expert in the many ways that love throws people together and splits them apart, often at the same time." (I found my way to this book after finding the author’s Substack, which was my recommended resource last month: read.write.eat)
Bear by Julia Phillips: If you’re looking for a book to read in one sitting, Bear would be a great choice. As in Phillips’ brilliant debut, Disappearing Earth, the novel centers on two sisters, but here they are living on an island off the coast of Washington, struggling to survive. Sam works the concession stand on an island ferry and Elena waitresses at the golf club, both catering to wealthy tourists. They dream of escaping the small confines of their life, but won’t leave their ailing mother, who has continued to hold on for a decade. One night Sam spots a bear in the water, and later, when the bear shows up at their house, the sisters’ very different reactions to it threaten to undo their strong bond of sisterhood. I like this blurb from the NYT: “Phillips smartly keeps us guessing whether the fantastical creature ultimately sees Elena as friend or feast…Bear ends with a bang, and with the intriguing notion that sisterhood (or sisters?) may be as unknowable and unpredictable as anything else in nature.”
In brief - I didn’t have time to write proper reviews for these two but still recommend them wholeheartedly: Table for Two by Amor Towles - when I read an Amor Towles book it’s like spending a pleasant evening around the fireplace with characters I’d like to know and spend time with in real life; his latest story collection and novella are just the escape I’d recommend right now. Also: The Bee Sting by Paul Murray: We had fun discussion about this Booker Prize short-listed novel in my book club. The Barnes family is a mess, but as Ron Charles put it: “Anyone who starts The Bee Sting will be immediately absorbed by this extraordinary story. Although Murray is a fantastically witty writer, his empathy with these characters is so deep that he can convey the comedy of their foibles without the condescending bitterness of satire.” Highly recommended.
Events
I’m excited for our September Literary Modiin event - coming up one week from today. Sunday, September 15 at 20:00 Israel time / 1 pm Eastern…Please join me to hear from Batnadiv HaKarmi (THE LOVE OF MORTAL BEINGS), Sasha Vasilyuk (YOUR PRESENCE IS MANDATORY) and Lynne Golodner (CAVE OF SECRETS). Register here.
Also - you can already register for our October event: Sunday October 6 - a special solidarity event commemorating one year since October 7, featuring readings, perspectives, prayers and support. Register here.
Missed any of our Literary Modiin events? Catch the recordings here.
Resource of the Month: Shiva שבעה
Shiva / שבעה is a new volume of poems of October 7, edited and translated by Rachel Korazim, Michael Bohnen, and Heather Silverman. I read about half of it yesterday, and I wanted to take pictures and share many of these with you. The book is available on Amazon, and the net proceeds will go to the Israel Trauma Coalition for their work with victims of October 7th and its aftermath. Plus, there’s a recording and discussion of each poem on Rachel Korazim’s website.
Recipe of the Month: Fruit Caprese
Welcome to the end of the newsletter, where you’re rewarded with a yummy recipe. This is adapted from the stone fruit caprese salad that I shared previously from NYT Cooking. My point is that you don’t only need stone fruit…(the original recipe recommended plums, peaches, nectarines and cherries). I maintain that you can use red and green grapes, mangoes and other fruits as well. It’s very simple, and easy to make a single serving or a full platter. Enjoy!
Ingredients:
Any combination of peaches, plums, nectarines, mangoes, cherries, grapes, fresh figs, chopped into bite-sized pieces
Fresh nana (mint)
Sprinkle of kosher salt
Sprinkle of sugar
Splash of lemon juice
Large ball of fresh mozzarella or 1 cup of small balls
Olive oil
Chop the fruit and place into a bowl. Sprinkle with sugar (1/2 tsp - 1 tsp), salt (1/2 tsp), and lemon juice. Let it sit for ~5 minutes, then break up the mozzarella by hand, add 1/3 cup of chopped nana, drizzle olive oil over the top, and add another 1/2 tsp of kosher salt. Enjoy!
Until next time, b’sorot tovot. Am Yisrael Chai.
Comments